20th June, 2021 | Shoreham & Otford CC | Shoreham, Kent
ACME CC 129 (33.2) lost to Shoreham & Otford CC Cricket 130/4 (25.4)
Organisational SNAFU sees ACME veterans mugged by Kentish youth.
Nelson Place CC, Colombo, Sri Lanka (c.1994).
Kethese front right with ball. Bahyr on his right. Vathsan, back row, yellow cap.
For those of you who don’t know Nelson Place in Colombo. It’s a fairly nondescript side-street with bushy bougainvillea trailing over white-washed walls at the back of various villas, office blocks, and apartments. It’s in the middle of the Wellawatta district (“Sandy Garden” in Sinhalese, “White Garden” in Tamil). At one end of this quarter-mile thoroughfare is the busy A2 Expressway with David’s stores, offering imported goods from India (house-blended garam masala a specialty) and a branch of the Nolimit fashion-ware chain. At the other end – once you’ve crossed over Marine Drive and the railway line - is the warm inviting water of the Laccadive Sea.
This place should be recorded in ACME history, as should the time - 1993. Sri Lankan cricket was suddenly emerging as a force to be reckoned with under the inspirational leadership of Arjuna Ranatunga. There’d been a test win against England in March of that year (5 wickets in the match for newly capped Murali Muralitharan). Their celebrated World Cup win was still three years away, but cricket in Sri Lanka was on the way up and capturing the imagination of small boys. Even Nolimit were selling Royal Blue one-day strips with their distinctive Golden lion crest and Ceylon tea logo.
Not much traffic went along Nelson Place and two enterprising local teenagers chose it as the ideal venue for their informal cricket school. The road – as it emerged at Marine Drive, north of Boswell Place - was just wide enough for square of the wicket field placements and a well-timed straight drive could get you over the railway line (automatic 2 runs) and into the sea (4). Fielders at long-off had to keep their wits about them and listen out for the fast train to Matara (on the hour in peak times, every 90 minutes off-peak).
The organisers (we’ll call them Bahyr and Vathsan) had a keen eye for local talent, but it wasn’t easy to get a game in these endless tournaments. Newcomers would first be invited to watch, sometimes perched on the low walls on the edge of the playing area, retrieving any lost balls from neighbouring properties, occasionally sub-fielding. A polite doe-eyed kid (we’ll call him Suva) was the first of the younger generation to get the call-up, along with Bahyr’s younger brother Sarangan. Kethese was already one of the senior pros and specialised in bowling scuddy ankle-biting yorkers, Nishantan had a deceptive wobble and always hit the spot. Then there was Niranjan, whose enthusiasm for cricket was only matched by his adoration of Manchester United, recent winners of the newly formed Premier League (boosted by the purchase of Eric Cantona from Leeds for £1.2m). Niranjan played mainly with another outfit in Castle Street, but would occasionally drift over to the Nelson Place games for a bit of sea air. Russell “Rusty” Arnold was another occasional visitor - he went on to play 44 Test Matches and 180 ODI’s for Sri Lanka during the team’s heyday in the late 90s.
But let’s shift our gaze to Shoreham: a Kent village nestling in the Darenth valley. Spitfire’s buzz the ground, Mistle thrushes give their full-throated chorus from the tree tops, and ramblers stop by to admire the scene. It was here, last Sunday, that the spirit of Nelson Place moved amongst us.
****
Arriving early at the ground, it was quickly apparent that there were two problems. One was the roughness of the pitch (described by local man Trigg as “pure shite”), and the second was the mysterious loss of all communications surrounding the modus operandi of the game, that only players over 40 were eligible. Sure, ACME had interpreted it in a slightly generous way, but thanks mainly to Fergus at 73 and three quarters, our average age was well over 40. The opposition didn’t even make the effort. The Shoreham skipper introduced himself as the elder of the team. “I’m 25”, he said proudly. There was a period of silence. “My jockstraps older than him,” muttered Fergus darkly.
Mick won the toss and elected to bat. Whiting went early – no runs, bowled by a bloke called Spice. Isn’t that some sort of drug that induces a state of temporary neural-coma? Just asking. Never mind – the spiritual leader of the Nelson Place gang was at the wicket. But then he wasn’t. Bahyr was bowled by an old associate of Al Marshall’s “back-in-the-day” combo. Three for 2. Our bad.
On the upside, a classic Nelson Place partnership was brewing: Niranjan and Suva were together again. Rolling back those 28 years, they were in the words of little Mick Hucknall, “strangled by the wishes of pater, hoping for the arms of mater.” But bollocks to that! Snap out of it man … it’s 2021! There’s been a global pandemic, and life’s too short to fanny around with rosy-cheeked reminiscence. The crowd expected fireworks, and proper ones too – not those nasty flaccid little squibs you get nowadays.
Suva has spent years perfecting the long hop lift high over the old oak at Shoreham with that almighty swing of his. Surely with this short boundary, all it would need were a few casual flicks, and we’d be right again.
It wasn’t to be. Another nasty grubber from the Spice boy, and ACME’s favourite son was gone for 6 with the score on 18. Grown men wept. D’Silva came to the wicket and used his height and hoik to good effect (18 off 22 balls). He helped speed the score along to 60 before another flat liner, this time from Pottier, got through his defence (tall people really should be allowed longer bats in these circumstances).
The fourth member of the Nelson Place gang came to the wicket. Kethes played a few nice shots but then found himself smartly run out by a cheeky Shoreham youth, who frankly should have written a note of apology right there on the spot. But never fear. Niranjan was still hanging in there, and having tamed the pitch into submission, he started to open up. He consistently hit the ball sweetly and smartly and with a satisfying crack. He passed fifty with a rattling cover drive, which I’m sure would have been retrieved by the fishermen on Wellawatta beach in an earlier time.
You could see the pride and admiration on the faces of his teenage team-mates as they marveled at the returning memory of his stroke play. It was both classical and innovative at the same time (or “class-ovative” as those of an Aphasian persuasion might put it). Hell he was good.
Sadly, no-one could hold up the other end. Marshall came and went. Not his day. Earlier in the afternoon, Mayana had been streaming “Eye of the Tiger” on his new ghetto blaster, and much to Whiting’s amusement, Prest joined him from some dirty dance moves on the boundary. I’m reliably informed that footage does exist. Sean and David were just lining up for Meatloaf’s “Deadringer for Love”, when Niranjan was unexpectedly out.
Everything went in a blur from then on. Mayana was bowled second ball for a duck, Johnson clung on for 8, and Fergus survived just three balls for his duck. We were all out for 129, ten balls short of the full 35 overs, with a clear majority of 82 off only 80 balls, from the bat of Niranjan. All Hail.
Shoreham had a modest target, but then again the pitch was still a bit iffy, giving hope for the hopeful. There was early optimism with Mayana and Kethes grabbing both openers. 5 overs in and Shoreham were struggling to fire on 13 for 2. Then Hill and Cooper dug deep. Not that there weren’t chances. There were several. A few of them were sitters. Actually most of them were sitters. At least five, maybe six went down in the space of 8 overs. Maybe it was the light, humidity, plain ineptitude, or a combination of all three. I shan’t name those who spilled, but you know who you are, and in true ACME fashion the apologies were always fulsome and heartfelt.
Then Kethes redeemed all by taking a stunning catch, falling and behind his back, at short mid-on off the bowling of Prest. Whiting tried to do the same a few overs later (although to a considerably easier chance). Sadly whatever contortion it was that he managed to get himself into before dropping the catch, the result was a triggering of his old back injury. Sadly the First Aid Kit had nothing of value to impart. Whiting walked gingerly to the boundary – and was helped into his vehicle for a hasty evacuation. (Update: Whiting’s condition is stable, but he’s expecting to take at least a 4 week abstinence from cricket).
Without Whiting, the ACME cause was almost lost. Hill and Stacey put on a further 50 and in a sporting gesture, they retired from the game, leaving a further twenty runs to be shared amongst the rest of the team.
Shoreham reached their target with 12 overs to spare, but not before Johnson had brought on his secret weapon, and eleventh-hour scene-stealer, in 11-year-old Kerthanaa, daughter of Kethes. She turned out in the non-classified ACME Fest a week previously, and has already played for Hampshire Juniors. Her action was impeccable. Her accuracy was spot on, and her length settled down nicely once the nerves wore off. The Shoreham batsmen were transfixed. Her first over was a maiden, her second conceded just a single. Not many people would have noticed that along the way she became the first second-generation Nelson Place player to represent ACME.
It’s a cause for great joy and celebration that this wonderful group of childhood friends have found ACME. Playing cricket 5000 miles from their home country, they’ve brought their wives and families to the boundary and now - onto the pitch. Maybe when we eventually make that long-planned tour of Sri Lanka, we can all pay a visit, and share in the nostalgia of life as it was, in Nelson Place, Colombo in 1993.
ACME 129 all out (33.2 overs)
SHOREHAM 130 for 4 (25.4 overs)
Shoreham win by 7 wickets
Player of the match: Jeyakumar Niranjan
Due to the absence of the ACME Social Media Manager, further Facebook and Instagram photos of this match are sadly absent.
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