2nd May, 2021 | Warborough & Shillingford CC | Warborough, Oxon
Warborough & Shillingford CC 150/10 (41.5) lost to ACME 151/3 (26.3)
David Prest Writes:
In AD 21, the warlord Cillit of Bang rode through the area now known as South Oxfordshire on his way to the Great Battle of Almarshallgate. He stopped at a watering spot in the village of Burgh-War and declared the handsome green a fine spot for his men to rest and consider the jowls and wattles of warlord life.
Whilst taking ale and snack-age at the Six-o-Bells, his eye was caught by a toothless local youth playing idly with a cork ball. The boy lobbed it at one of the Cillit’s trusty sidesmen, a rough-hewn fighter by the name of Masterson. In one graceful move, Masterson slid out his primitive broadsword, swivelled on his right foot, rolled his shimmering forearms and struck the ball with much lustiness. But, to the surprise of all onlookers, rather than slicing it with his blade as expected, he struck the ball with the flat of his weapon and clinically dispatched it over a low stone wall and into a neighbouring field.
Masterson calmly returned his broadsword to its sheath. There was stunned silence. “Bloody Fine shot..” cried Cillet of Bang, opening a second bag of Nobby’s Nuts, “… that might just catch on”.
Appropriately on the 2000th anniversary of this momentous moment in cricketing history, Masterson & son (the closest ACME have to a dynastic line with an unbroken 34 years of service), direct descendants of that pioneering broadswordista, returned to the self-same village green at Warborough.
The War-boys lost the toss. Mid-morning rain and the promise of a sunny afternoon meant that ACME skipper Hoskin decided to put them in and exploit what he could from a drying pitch. Local house rules applied – a time game with no limits on bowlers, and strict COVID adherence.
Initially, the openers looked solid and hit the ball hard, seeing off Masterson (L) and Kelly’s early onslaught. The main test in those opening overs was for Hoskin’s wicket-keeping. His impressive anticipation and horizontal alacrity saved at least 25 runs in the first 8 overs.
In truth, neither of the Warborough openers got beyond second gear, and eventually Masterson (L) clean bowled Tilley, then got Iswariah (F) to thin edge to the keeper. Masterson (S) then took control, self-flagellating with his COVID hair. His famous “Z” ball encouraged the competent-looking Searl to hole out.
No 4 batsman Iswariah (R) showed signs of defiance but lacked partners. Goel was eventually unfurled, and in his second over got two wickets in two balls. The second (Baker) received a Warne-esque delivery that one sensed he would be talking about for many years to come.
Kethes on debut made a very favourable impression, scudding balls low and lower, then producing a rising chin-snorter from nowhere. It was clever variation but making sure to always make the batsmen play. He deserved more than his 1 for 10 off 5 overs.
Early came into the attack, his first bowl of the season, and together with Prest continued to fox a nervous middle order which soon became the lower order as both made breakthroughs. An Early dropper claimed the hard to shift Iswariah (R) whilst Prest removed a threatening-looking Treacher, and then had Johnson smartly caught behind.
Akhtar and Kandasamy kept up the pressure, but it was left to Masterson S to break the stubborn last wicket partnership of 39. Warborough’s total of 150 (off 41 overs) seemed within reach, but the clock was the issue now.
After some reluctance, and a Cobra gathering of the ACME tech-hub, the nuance of the time game was explained to the vtrakit app. Play resumed, and ACME had just over an hour of batting before the 20 overs after 6.30 rule kicked in.
Sharma and Goel opened up, and first wicket (Goel) fell at 7. Sharma was joined by Hoskin. Both played sensibly, and the total rose to 53 before Sharma fell to Hassan for 22. Kethes added 3, and then Masterson (L) came to the wicket with broadsword in hand. With the score at 62 for three and the clock ticking, anxiety started to creep in. But Masterson had spent his prep-time wisely, reading up on the history of the Bauhaus movement to put him a brutalist state of mind. Little did he know that Walter Gropius personally oversaw the restoration of most of the buildings surrounding the Warborough ground during his brief pre-war cottaging period.
As the twenty-over countdown started, Hoskin and Masterson really opened up. Masterson driving off the front foot, leaving Hoskin to flick and lift at will. One seemingly casual chip over cow corner was the highlight, with one bounce to the longest boundary on the ground. In the end, ACME reached their target with 7 overs and seven wickets in hand, Masterson 33* and Hoskin 80*. Unlucky Zahir failed to get a bat, but must surely have runs to come later in the year.
This was certainly a good solid win. But, really it was an exercise in Warborough nostalgia. There was an impressive old-style 39ers spread under the cedar tree, family bubbles everywhere, a drop in from the Nagan Johnsons, and Lady Jean Reid in attendance for much of the game. Dewy eyes gazed over the bucolic scene, as John Wayne put it in The Alamo, “Not Thinkin'... Just Rememberin'”
After a pleasant outdoor drink at the Six-o-Bells (where shockingly Nobby’s Nuts are no longer available), we could all get home in time for the series finale of Line of Duty. Sadly halfway through a vital interrogation scene, your correspondent fell asleep on the sofa and was allegedly snoring heavily as Fleming, Arnott, and Hastings reached the end of their seemingly endless inquiry as to who the hell is “H”.
For those of us who know – the identity of “H” has never really been in any question. It is, of course, the elusive pilchard baron, head of the West Cornwall OCG, and Godfather of ACME … Lord Harvey of Newlyn. Jesus, Mary & Joseph and the wee donkey!
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